In the first of a series of excerpts from authors on our innovative agenting programme, which aims to secure publishers, agents and other commercial opportunities for some of our most promising authors, we are delighted to introduce Mr David Frank Gordon and ‘MJ and her Smarty-Phants’, a collection of wacky and wonderful children’s stories.
David Frank Gordon is an English writer who has made Northern Ireland his home. Whilst locked-down and furloughed in 2020, he had the idea to put his everyday experiences in Co Armagh onto paper and created ‘MJ and her Smarty-Phants’, a series of children’s stories about a ten-year-old girl, whose cuddly toy elephants come to life after helping an elderly magician cross the road. Every time the clock strikes 5 am, the mischief begins.
Below is a story from David’s collection. If you are a reader, spread the word on these unique stories. If you are a publisher or agent, and see the promise we see, please get in touch with Jeremy directly.
We are also delighted to include two illustrations from Melissa McKee, a talented illustrator and artist who is also based in Northern Ireland.
MJ & HER SMARTY-PHANTS AND THE PRESIDENTIAL ELEPHELECTION
MARGARET-JAYNE, or MJ as she prefers to be known, is a little girl who is eight, lives near the park and owns three cuddly Elephants called Ellie, Eric and Emilio. She was an ordinary girl with ordinary toy elephants until she met an extraordinary man called Mr Magick and helped him to cross the road. He presented her with three magical bow ties, which when worn by the elephants, brings them to life when the clock strikes five. Through a quirk of fate, she now has four elephants, the last of which only has one arm and one eye and is called Nelson. He wears an eye patch made from spare material from another one of the gang’s bow ties.
‘Bah!’ moaned MJ, pointing the remote at the television, ‘there’s nothing but news programmes on the TV!’
Mum was getting very frustrated with MJ changing channels one after another. ‘For goodness’ sake, pick a channel and stick with it!’ cried Mum, now exasperated with the continuous click, click, click of the remote.
The announcer on the final channel was very smartly dressed in a suit and tie, sitting at a desk with lots of coloured flags in the background. “We’ll be bringing you more news of the election after this short break,” he said, smiling and shuffling his papers, as the camera cut away from him.
MJ looked puzzled and turned to Mum.
“What’s an election?” she asked.
Mum smiled. “It’s where people cast votes to choose who they want to be their leaders,” she replied.
“Ah,” said MJ and pondered for a minute. “Did you ever cast a vote?” MJ asked.
“I did,” replied Mum. “Many times.”
MJ thought for another minute. “Who did you vote for?” she asked.
“That’s private,” replied Mum. “You should never ask someone to tell you who they vote for.”
MJ frowned. “Why not?” she asked.
Mum sighed. “Because people get awfully upset if they find out that you voted for someone different to who they voted for.”
“Why is that?” asked MJ.
Mum stood up. “That’s something you don’t need to worry about until you’re eighteen!” she said with a chuckle.
MJ still didn’t really understand, but Mum was now in the kitchen making herself a cup of tea, so MJ decided to go to bed. When she opened her bedroom door and switched the light on, it immediately illuminated her four cuddly elephants, which were neatly arranged on the bed.
“Tomorrow,” she began, “we’re going to have an election to decide who the leader of my elephants is!”
But none of the elephants answered. They just sat neatly where she had left them. MJ got undressed and into bed, putting Emilio at the end of the bed to keep her duvet steady, Ellie had pride of place on the pillow, with Nelson next to her and Eric as always, went under her arm because he was the snuggliest. And as quick as a flash, MJ was asleep.
“Bong!” Went the clock in the hall.
“Bong!” It went again, until five bongs had bonged.
“Just so everyone’s clear,” snarled Ellie, staring at each elephant menacingly. “I’m the leader of this gang, so don’t get any ideas about an election!”
“It’s actually an Elephelection,” replied Emilio. “People have elections, we have elephelections.”
“Whatever,” sneered Ellie.
“Who’s the leader of all elephants?” asked Eric from below the covers in MJ’s sleepy and snuggly grip.
“There isn’t one,” snarled Ellie, now getting very annoyed with any suggestion that someone else was in charge of her.
“Actually, there is,” piped up Nelson.
“Who? Who?” asked Eric and Emilio together.
“The greatest elephant in the world,” replied Nelson.
“Who? Who?” Squealed Eric and Emilio together.
“He’s a genius with an IQ of 150 and everyone loves him,” continued Nelson.
Ellie shook her head. “It’s another tall story,” she sneered dismissively.
“And he’s the richest elephant in the world,” added Nelson.
It was too much for Eric, who quickly wriggled free from his snuggly position in MJ’s bed. “Who is it?” he cried.
Nelson pointed to the dark corner of the room by MJ’s bookcase and whispered.
“Donald Trunk.”
With that, there was a sudden rumble of thunder, a bright flash of light and wind blew through the room, causing MJ’s books to flutter. The elephants shielded their eyes until all became calm and the light had died down.
“We’ve been invade-ified!” cried Emilio fearfully and hid behind Eric.
There, in the corner of the room were two sinister looking elephants wearing dark suits, dark bow ties and sunglasses, who quickly ran around the room looking under the bed, behind the bookcase and the curtains. Once they had seemingly finished looking for whatever, they silently moved back to the corner and faced MJ’s elephants.
The tense stand-off lasted only seconds, when the sound of Wagner’s Ride of the Valkyries, punctuated the silence, becoming louder and louder, until a second bright flash of light heralded the end of the music and the appearance of a large orange elephant, in a grey suit with blonde wavy hair and an oversized red bow tie.
“It’s Donald Trunk!” gasped Eric.
“Call me Mr President,” said Donald Trunk, stepping forward and handing each of the gang a badge with his picture on it and shaking their hands in greeting.
One of the security elephants stepped forward quickly with a hankerchief and wiped Donald Trunk’s hand after each shake.
“What’s he doing?” hissed Ellie.
“He doesn’t like other elephants touching him,” whispered Nelson.
“So,” began Donald Trunk, “Tell me what you all like most of all?”
“Lemon Drizzle Cake!” laughed Nelson loudly, pointing at Ellie.
Donald Trunk frowned. “Vote for me and I’ll get you all the Lemon Drizzle Cake you can eat,” he said winking. “I’m the best at getting things people want.”
Ellie raised her eyebrows. “I like the sound of that!” she replied, smiling.
Donald Trunk clicked his fingers. In an instant, a security elephant brought out a large plate of sliced Lemon Drizzle Cake, which was quickly devoured by the gang.
“Vote for me and I’ll make sure only the best elephants get the best cake,” continued Donald Trunk.
Emilio put his hand up.
“You have a question?” asked Donald Trunk. “I’m really good at answering questions,”
“Yes I do, Mr President,” replied Emilio and gulped.
“Go ahead,” replied Donald Trunk.
Emilio cleared his throat. “What constitutifies the ‘best’ elephants?” He asked nervously and quickly put his hand down.
Donald Trunk leaned forward. “We are,” he replied sternly. “We African Elephants with big ears are the best,”
“We are?” asked Emilio.
“We need to keep the Indian Elephants with small ears away,” continued Donald Trunk. “They eat our food and take our jobs,” he added. “Vote for me and I’ll build a wall to keep them out.” He said menacingly.
Then he pointed his finger. “And what’s more,” he said, “I’ll get them to build it for me. I’m really good at making deals.”
The security elephants began to applaud, so MJ’s elephants felt obliged to join in.
After a minute, Donald Trunk held up his hand to stop the applause. “What’s your name?” He said, looking directly at Eric. “And what do you do?”
“I’m Eric and I snuggle,” replied Eric proudly.
“Get me a book, would you?” said Donald Trunk, pointing at the bookcase. “A big one.”
Eric thought nothing of it and hopped off MJ’s bed and scampered to bookcase and pulled out the biggest book. He liked being helpful.
“Put it just there,” said Donald Trunk pointing at the floor. Eric obliged.
“Get me another,” said Donald Trunk.
Eric smiled, nodded and went to get another and another and another.
Then Donald Trunk started to chant. “Build …that …wall, build . . that . . wall,” he said slowly.
“Build that wall!” joined in the security elephants, clapping in time with the chant, until all the elephants were chanting and clapping, whilst Eric continued to pile MJ’s books up across the room.
“Build that wall!” puffed Eric as his pile of books crossed the room and got higher and higher.
After a few minutes of piling, all the books were gone from the bookcase and Eric could no longer see what was going on at the other side of the now very high pile of books. He started to get worried.
Donald Trunk held up his hand and the chanting and clapping stopped. He clicked his fingers again and another plate of Lemon Drizzle Cake appeared, care of a security elephant. The gang soon got stuck in and the plate was empty. From behind the books, Eric peered through a gap in the books to see his pals getting stuck into tasty cake.
Donald Trunk pointed to the pile of books.
“Once my wall was built, did you get more cake?” he asked.
Ellie, Emilio and Nelson looked at each other. Yes, it was very clear that they had.
“Eric might snuggle,” continued Donald Trunk dismissively. “But his snuggly habits stop all the rest of you from having the opportunity to snuggle.” He added. “He’s taken a job which is rightly yours.”
Eric continued to look through the crack and wondered why only he was on the wrong side of the wall. Suddenly Eric realised that Ellie, Emilio, Nelson and Donald Trunk had similarly sized big ears. Eric reached up and felt his own ears to discover that they were much smaller than everyone else’s.
“I’m an Indian Elephant!” gasped Eric. “ My ears are little – I had no idea!”
His shoulders slumped in sad realisation. “Then I’m not a best elephant!” he moaned to himself.
On the other side of the wall, the security elephants were passing out voting forms.
“Vote for me,” said Donald Trunk, handing out pens with his name printed along the edge. “I’ve done everything I said I would. “I’ve got the best elephants the best cake, given you the opportunity for new jobs and I’ve not only built a wall, but got the Indian Elephant to build it for me.”
Ellie, Emilio and Nelson looked at each other. He was right – he had done everything he said he’d do. They looked at the voting forms and lifted their pens and signed the forms. Donald Trunk grinned.
Eric still peering through the crack, began to cry. He was separated from his friends who had seemingly forgotten about him, he wasn’t a best elephant, and he was stuck behind a wall of his own making.
“Please help me someone,” he sobbed.
Just then, there was another sudden flash of light and a gust of wind which sent books flying and punched a big gap in Eric’s wall.
Donald Trunk looked terrified and screamed, “Save me!”
Instinctively, the security elephants quickly pushed Donald Trunk under the bed out of harm’s way, where he covered his head with his hands.
“It can’t be…” gasped Nelson as a another figure began to form next to Eric.
“It is!” cried Nelson, as he recognised the new elephant in the room. She was a light grey elephant and wearing a cream twinset skirt and a blouse with matching bow tie shaped fasteners and in her small ears was a set of matching pearl earrings. Her arms were folded and she looked very angry.
“Who? Who?” Squealed Emilio.
Nelson pointed at the figure and cried. “It’s Hilary Clintusk!”
When Donald Trunk heard the name, he peered through his fingers.
“Come on out Donald,” said Hilary Clintusk, looking under the bed. “You’re perfectly safe.”
“I knew that,” replied Donald Trunk, as the security elephants pulled him out and dusted him down.
“No you didn’t!” Exclaimed Ellie. “You were shouting for someone to save you!”
“No I didn’t!” Snarled Donald Trunk. “I’m very brave. Very brave – my security team overreacted.”
Hillary Clintusk pointed at Eric. “And what may I ask is poor Eric doing behind this wall of books?”
Eric gasped. “She knows my name!” he said to himself.
“He isn’t one of the best elephants,” replied Donald Trunk. He’s taken their jobs and eaten their cake.
Ellie, Emilio and Nelson gasped as they realised, they’d been manipulated by Donald Trunk.
Hilary Clintusk sighed. “Donald,” she began. “If snuggling was an Olympic sport, Eric would win the gold medal every time. Yet you say he not one of the best elephants?”
“She’s completely rightificatious!” cried Emilio. “Eric’s really good at snuggling,”
The others nodded in agreement.
Whilst the standoff continued, Ellie turned to Nelson and whispered, “Where do you actually know Donald Trunk from?”
Nelson leaned towards her and hissed back, “When I was Head Butler at Trunk Tower in New York,”
Ellie decided to ignore that probable whopper.
“And who told you he was the world’s greatest and richest elephant and a genius?” she asked.
Nelson scratched his head with his one hand. “Well,” he replied, “he did so himself.”
“And regarding eating their cake,” continued Hillary Clintusk, “Are you really serious?”
“We always share cake,” interjected Ellie. “Everyone gets the same.”
Donald Trunk held up his hand to silence Ellie. “Listen ladies,” he said smugly, “don’t concern your pretty little heads with such complicated matters. Leave it to the guys” And patted Ellie on the head.
Ellie was furious at this condescending behaviour and angrily ripped up her voting form. She looked at Hillary Clintusk and asked, “Can I change my vote?”
Hillary Clintusk smiled. “Of course, you can,” she replied and handed Ellie a fresh form.
“Me too!” said Nelson, ripping his form up and throwing the shards onto the floor.
“No litterfication!” cried Emilio and instead drew a line across his form, folded it up and put it in the bin.
Then Eric made his presence known by stepping through the gap in the books.
“I want a hundred forms!” he declared. “One for me and the rest for everyone I know!”
As the gang filled out the new forms in favour of Hilary Clintusk, Donald Trunk looked on angrily.
“This elephelection is rigged!” he exclaimed. “Ten minutes ago I was winning and now I’m losing? There’s been widespread voter fraud!”
“Nonsense, Donald,” replied Hilary Clintusk. “You just counted the votes far too early.”
Donald Trunk looked angry and began to glow even more orange with rage.
“My team of lawyerphants will get this fraudulent activity struck down by the courts!” he snarled, but in an instant, his rage was replaced with fear.
“Bang!” came a sudden sound and everyone ducked.
“Help me!” cried Donald Trunk and was immediately pushed under the bed once more by his security elephants.
Everyone looked up to see what had made the sound – except Donald Trunk, whose hands were covering his head yet again.
All eyes were now on Eric.
“Oops,” said Eric, grinning from the top of the wall he’d built. “Did I accidentally drop a heavy book onto the floor?”
Ellie, Emilio and Nelson began to laugh.
Under the bed, Donald Trunk was not happy being pulled out for a second time by the security elephants.
“What are you doing under there Donald?” asked Hillary Clintusk. “You look ridiculous.”
Once extricated, Donald Trunk sent his security elephants to the corner of the room, where suddenly, Wagner started to sound once more.
“I’ll see you in court!” snarled Donald Trunk, now standing behind the security elephants. “And I always win!”
“Bye-bye Donald,” replied Hillary Clintusk, laughing.
There was a flash of light and a roar of thunder and as quickly as he’d arrived, Donald Trunk was gone.
Hillary Clintusk turned towards the gang. “Ellie,” she began. “You, Nelson and Emilio were misled, but you realised your error and supported your friend Eric when he needed it.”
The elephants were absolutely delighted that she knew their names and beamed big smiles. Then once more, Emilio had his hand up.
“You have a question for me, Emilio?” she responded.
“Why do we have elephelections and how should we votify?” he asked.
“That’s two questions Emilio,” she replied, “but I’ll happily answer both.”
The elephants all leaned forward in anticipation.
Hillary Clintusk smiled. “We have elephelections to choose who we want to lead us,” she began. “We listen to what each of them have to say and then once we’ve heard all the arguments, then we make a decision.”
“But how do we decide?” asked Ellie.
“You already have,” replied Hillary Clintusk.
“We have?” asked Ellie, bewildered.
“You saw how your friend was being mistreated and made your decision based on that,” she replied. “You should always vote for what’s best for you, your family and your friends.”
“Good luck,” said Ellie and shook her hand.
“Yes, good luck,” said the others and did the same. This time no security elephants with hankerchiefs were present.
Hillary Clintusk smiled and waved and, in an instant, she was enveloped in a flash of light and was gone.
The elephants hopped back onto MJ’s bed.
“Er, does anyone else want to snuggle MJ tonight?” asked Eric, holding the duvet edge up.
Ellie stepped forward and put her hand on his shoulder.
“No Eric,” she replied. “This is something that you’re really good at and we know MJ appreciates it. Each elephant patted Eric on the back before Ellie held up the duvet for him to make his way back.
“Come on!” said Mum briskly as she opened MJ’s door, “You’ve got to get up for school!” and pulled the curtains open. As daylight filled the room, Mum gasped.
“What have you been doing?” cried Mum. “Why are all your books on the floor and pieces of paper everywhere? And what are all those crumbs?”
MJ opened a sleepy eye. “Sorry Mum, what?” she replied.
You’ll have to clean all this up once you get back from school!” snapped Mum as she left the room.
MJ sat up and saw an empty bookcase, a wall of books stretching across the room and pieces of torn paper on the floor, mixed together with lemony scented crumbs.
“Looks like I won’t have time to hold an elephant election,” she said under her breath.
She swung her legs out of the bed, leaned down, picked up a piece of paper and read the writing on one side of it.
“I wonder who Donald Trunk is?” she said to herself.
“Hurry up and get dressed!” called Mum from the kitchen.
MJ put her feet on the floor and had taken only two paces, when a sharp pain shot though her foot.
“Owwww!” she cried in pain, and quickly sat back down on the bed and rubbed her painful sole. Then she spotted something strange glinting on her carpet. Instinctively, she leaned down, picked it up and held it up to the light.
“How on earth did a pearl earring get into my room?” she said out loud.
Follow MJ and her gang of elephants’ adventures on Facebook. If you are a publisher or agent, and you would like to read the full manuscript, please contact Jeremy directly.